Today is 'World Mental Health day'. Normally I never take notice of these world 'blank days' because they're usually something random or downright stupid. (The U.S. has 'Ice Cream for Breakfast' day, for fuck sake. If ever a day described a country...)
Today is different. Mental health is something I've been very aware of my entire adult life. Usually because mine has never been very stable.
I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 15. Before that, I just chalked my moods up to being a teenager, with the hope they, and my horrible acne, would disappear as I got older.
They didn't.
As I got older, I became better at managing with the awful states I'd find myself in. It never got easier to cope with, but I learned a few things that helped me move past them or distract myself until the mood passed. Reading has always been a huge help to me. When I'm feeling low, or panicky or anxious, a book or a comic has always been my first port of call. There are few things better at distracting you than throwing yourself into someone else's world. Someone else's problems.
Depression is not just being sad all the time.
Depression is not the inability to ever be happy (fuck everyone who's ever said "but you're laughing now, how can you be depressed?").
Depression is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning because you just can't see the point of doing anything.
Depression is not doing anything outside your comfort zone because you know, are certain, that you will be terrible at it.
Depression is enjoying yourself, all the while thinking "This is all going to go to shit soon, isn't it?".
Depression is not seeking help because you think it's not worth bothering someone with your stupid, petty problems.
Depression is learning how to quiet all these things as best you can.
I have came to learn that a lot of people don't consider poor mental health to be real, who consider the people coping with it as weak or faking. I used to hide my depression from others because I believed this. I honestly thought that i was just 'a bit sad' and that I should just learn to get over it. Growing up, I used to think that 'real men' were strong and I wasn't a real man because I felt like this. When I did tell people about it the response, more often than not, was 'just cheer up' as if those words were some magic fucking spell I'd never tried until that point in my life. It used to make me so angry to hear that. I don't get angry anymore. If someone doesn't suffer from depression, I imagine it would be very hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone who does.
If you think you're depressed; seek help. Talk to someone. Do not worry about what anyone might think of you.
There is this bullshit myth that men have to be strong. That men can't cry, or open up. 4,623 men in the U.K. took their own lives in 2014. I'm willing to bet that number would have been a hell of a lot lower if there wasn't this twisted stigma about 'strong men and weak men'. I have a big ass beard. I drink coffee black and whiskey straight. Sometimes I have trouble leaving the house. But I am not less than a man because of my anxiety.
If you need help, get it. It will not make you less of a man. It will not make you weak. It will make you stronger. It might even stop you becoming another statistic.
